I have been playing with many ideas over the last five years, as one does after realizing there is more to life than what most can see and feel. I’ve been searching for truth and resonance whilst experiencing the forever expanding, mind-blowing thing called the spiritual awakening. Earlier this year I completely surrendered and let life unfold, no pushing anything, I completely surrendered to the what is, the what was and the what the f*%k?!
You see my awakening was an obsession, years of ricocheting from one healing technique to the other, one teaching to the next, from this book to this podcast and constantly shifting. Absolutely addicted to the suffering just to find the golden nugget of why I was feeling what i was. I hunted for the highest frequency I could feel and still be somewhat sane afterwards, more often than not I wasn’t, because I was struggling with the ability to talk anything other than deep philosophy. I had an undercurrent of fear coursing through my adrenal system from the stress of constantly smashing my boundaries open, not a lot felt safe anymore in my life.
Now every self-help motivational speaker says that you have to find your passion and do it for a living! Infact they shout it annoyingly with twangy accents. I get it! This is because people spend most of their life working (unless you are one of the 205 million people not). It would be good to do something you love right? Well I was, my work had purpose, I was of service, I was loving the creativity and the new experiences. The problem was my business was based on a feeling of duty and desire rather than love. I was obsessed with helping and began neglecting other areas of my life such as my self and that was not in alignment with living an authentic life.
As a “light worker” we never switch off our light, it's not the “job” we do that defines us, our role is our being, it is simply to be of service. This service could be as easy as telling our story or listening with pure presence when the time arises that someone needs to be empowered to help themselves. These two things alone will change the world.
If you wish to do more healing you’ll need to get some pretty solid physical and energetic boundaries, which for me were my hardest lessons. Hey and sure bring whatever items you need to help you bring healing intention to your sessions, but don’t kid yourself into believing that it’s an item that brings about the healing on someone. You just show up in your body, be present, connect to all things and hold space for someone to connect in. Whether that be to the universe, a god, divine source, their higher self, the heart, their body, the planet, everything, all things! What ever that it is for them, that is what is doing the healing. When people feel expansion that small hard thing that they clung onto and made a big dense shitfest in their life fades and what becomes clear is the infinite possibilities for their future life.
Healing the world can be as simple as a conversation. Let me give an example... I went on a date with a stranger, turns out he was searching cities of the world for places he could buy land and build skyscrapers on, yeah I know right, jackpot, but not in the way some woman may think... I love talking business and I thought this man is interesting, he has drive and intellect but maybe he's not that connected to his wisest self yet. I shared what my intention was with my business and my beliefs with him without preaching, just with a soft whisper between souls for him to hear the awareness calling him, I saw the penny drop as he listened to me blabbering on. The point is something I was saying was finding the gap in his wealthy yet unfulfilled life. He messaged days after from his penthouse in LA and said that meeting me had changed his perspective, that he is going to look at building mindfulness centers rather than skyscrapers. Hallelujah! I was overwhelmed with gratitude, it actually made me cry. I thought if I don’t live another day, I could die happy as my light work here on Earth was done.
But my work wasn’t done, it was only just beginning. I was yet to master how I could be of service and live a happy life myself. Although my foundations were not stable I did realize I was important, that my pull on earth was strong. I was creating energetic shifts everywhere I went and that isn't ego it was awareness. I thought if my mind and body were as strong as my ability to connect to source then I could make anything happen without so much struggle. I now fully understood that the more I awakened to my own truth the stronger the space I held in the universe, that my energy was creating waves of other conscious behaviour whether that be chaotic or smooth transitions that depended on the individual. I was unconsciously chucking hand grenades of love on people causing them to blast into the ethos and come back down with a thud.
Now although I do believe a lot of the "woo-woo" in the spiritual world, I was getting overly focused on what crystal meant what to what chakra, what planets were in alignment with what and what was this karmic relationship in a past-life. All good info for the mind's amusement but remember you’re supposed to quieten the mind right? I ask you this - how can you with all that "ra-de-ra"?
After being fascinated by many ancient spiritual teachings from many different cultures I started to be aware they were really all similar journeys with the same goal of learning to live in love and detach from fear. It could be said that simply, Jim Carrey did just that.
The goal is to have the ability to navigate through life’s ups and downs yet stay in equipoise, trying not to be obsessed with desire or too depressed in pain. I wanted to understand others and empathize without psychically scanning them for things to help heal, I realized this wasn't presence it was judgement.
I began to detach from exterior things in a dramatic Scorpio fashion , what I didn’t do consciously myself life just did the rest for me stripping it all away. I lived by the fact that Iife needed to be simple and that meant go without, I had to start fresh. I wanted to be of service rather than add to the forever growing world trend to consume. But then I heard this quote ”detachment is not that you own nothing, but detachment means that nothing owns you”. It spoke deeply to me, you know those words you see that seem to jump off the pages at you because they aren’t really two dimensional. I found this extremely empowering as it meant I could buy a pair of cute shoes that I liked.
I also channeled this gem in meditation:
“the only thing you are in control of in life is how your being reacts to its environment, therefore when you master that your environment becomes harmonious with your being”.
Whoah how do you do that? Well I knew my ability to connect to source came easy to me now but it was my physical body that needed attention. I quickly stopped what I was doing put a huge f-off boundary sign on my forehead and stopped listening to any advice including my favourite teachers and even my own mind’s advice as I didn’t trust any of it. I spent 4 weeks by myself and I just prayed “Please give me the solution this week on how to live a balanced life.”
Within a week, just like that, I was introduced to Orenda.nz. With Craig’s help I started to work on my body’s ability to realign itself through my own nervous system. These processes reorganized everything from my mental, muscular skeletal and respiratory systems to my cardiovascular systems. I extended my emotional range helping me not get upset so easily before fueling situations with my emotions. It helped my ability to be grounded and centered all of the time, not just when I was in nature (as that was my go-to.) But as Craig mentioned even that was me still depending on something outside of myself to be grounded. As my body realigned and became flexible so did my life. I now held the ability to flow through life without emotional reactions to everything. I've become curious of possibilities and opportunities on my journey rather than being attached and fixated on outcomes.
I believe a healthy GENTLE, deep internal purification is important. I trust any of the teachers/practitioners recommended on this site as I have worked with them all, then a daily meditation practice of any sort. I choose Kundalini meditation as it resonates with me and I have been trained in it. By doing these things for yourself you can start to create your own realities from this present moment on, not reacting based on your past hurt. When this happens you will begin to consciously or subconsciously manifest with less fear and more in alignment with love. You'll view things as they are, take people at face value and make connections with more people without judgment.
Now just being present witnessing a beautiful view, connecting through a smile with a stranger, seeing an excited puppy, feeling the ecstasy from kissing passionately is absolute bliss. Regardless of the disruption I wouldn’t change my journey for anything as it has lead me to this state of contentment. Remember it's all just an experience so why not be playful but be gentle on your self.
Founder of Lustre Collective & Conscious Brand Identity Coach