What to do with words left unsaid
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
From my own personal experiences and listening to other's stories in response to my last blog, this quote has spoken deeply to me. The world is full of judgy whispers, suppressed anger, unspoken apologies and one-sided stories. Lack of clarity, acceptance and closure from circumstances are to blame for bitterness and bitching.
I have always struggled with cutting people from my life, it has happened very few times in my lifetime. This doesn’t happen often as the goal for a “spiritual one” like myself, is keeping friendships or at the least peacefully dissolving relationships. But of course, life isn’t always like that now is it? Sometimes big energies cause the biggest ripples, sometimes life isn’t fair, and sometimes you are just left saying “what the hell happened there”!
If you are an empath you will know we can be catalysts for change. We can attract people that seem to quite literally heal past hurt in front of us, sometimes from us just being more loving than people are used to. We can invite dramatic situations into our lives due to our nurturing, adaptable nature and lack of boundaries, as we tend to put other's needs before our own.
But when we are left bewildered, battered and bruised what do we do? The first step is acceptance. It is what it is, you can’t turn back time, you can’t take back words said and regardless of the grief that you feel it is all meant to be for some screwed-up reason. You may or may not understand this straight away, but as we all know it's lessons for personal growth. Crazy thing is the biggest hurts are the ones we should be most grateful for, as they are the best for our personal development. “No way” I hear you say? Ok, you don’t have to be grateful for them, yes they were a dickhead. That’s easier sometimes aye?
Lots of negative thoughts can roll around your head, even worse you could be spitting venom out your mouth, which is keeping you trapped in the story and will slow your healing. So stop. Hear your thoughts, feel them, cry them out, yell them into nature, chuck rocks into streams, stomp your feet with dance, start boxing or do what I did - all of the above. These feelings need to be felt and removed from your body, this is vitally important to express feelings so that they don’t rear their ugly head again and again in future relationships.
The second step, now you can start the journey towards forgiveness. But how do we do this when talking to the person seems impossible and could cause more drama "neediness" or you may not get the response you wish to receive? Well forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, it is for your own inner peace that you choose to forgive. This doesn’t mean that you believe what they did or what you did is right. Write a letter to them, journal it, get out everything that you ever wanted to say to them or to yourself and don't send it! You may want to get all white-witchy-like and burn it away lovingly and ask for it to be taken from your reality.
Occasionally negative thoughts or bitter words can keep coming up even after you thought you forgave, so here are some words I say that has helped me get through my negative Nancy moments.
“Thank you universe for helping me heal this. I forgive this thought, and choose love instead”
Being a spiritual person doesn’t mean you are positive all the time, we all have different ways of dealing with sadness. Being a spiritual person means that we choose to consciously feel our emotions and we acknowledge other’s shadow sides, we choose forgiveness over bitterness.
Above all we choose love over anything else because that is what makes the world go ‘round.